Oscars! (Wardrobe Edition)

Welcome, welcome to my Oscar Red Carpet Recap! As I mentioned yesterday, I was disappointed with almost every aspect of this year's Academy Awards. But, being the good blogger and budding fashionista I am, here are my picks for the best/worst dressed! But instead of my usual five, I only chose four for each category. Couldn't be bothered, I guess! Let's go!

You know, I'm sad that award season is over because there will be no more Ms. Kunis to brighten my day. Let's hope the directors have taken notice of her beauty and talent and will continue to cast her in meaningful roles! The red carpet just won't be the same without her, which she proved once again on the biggest awards night of the year.

Choosing a lavender Elie Saab Haute Couture chiffon gown with peek-a-boo lace detailing and a grosgrain ribbon waist, the 27-year-old Black Swan beauty once again turned heads, took breaths and broke hearts all over the world. (Check out the view from the back!) Diamond and platinum Neil Lane ribbon earrings, bracelets and cocktail ring polished off her look, and her adorable Bottega Veneta crocodile knot clutch was the icing on the most beautiful of cakes.

What a pretty, pretty princess! Oh, what I would have given to be a 14-year-old Oscar Nominee with the chance to wear this oh-so-perfect tea-length dress. Though she was not in Black Swan - instead, she played stubborn Mattie Ross, a young gal searching for her daddy's killer in the Coen Brothers' True Grit - she pulled out her inner ballerina in this custom-made, crystal hand-embroidered Marchesa (do you remember how to pronounce that?). "I drew something out, and this is exactly what I had in mind," the Best Supporting Actress nominee gushed to reporters. Adding a platinum-set Fred Leighton heart-shaped diamond ring, super-cute silver Salvatore Ferragamo clutch with bow detail, champagne-colored Salvatore Ferragamo peep toes and the most age-appropriate and gorgeous 10-caret Fred Leighton diamond headband, the adorable Ms. Hailee Steinfeld proved she'll be a force to be reckoned with - on and off camera.

This 'lil lady (whom I loved in Enchanted!) was not on everyone's Best Dressed list, but I thought she looked breath-taking. Best Supporting Actress Nominee Ms. Amy Adams looked positively elegant in a sparkling, midnight-blue L'Wren Scott design. But it's that necklace that truly stands out. Some people thought it was inappropriate to wear a necklace like that over a high-collared dress, but I thought the pop of green on that sequined cap-sleeved gown was refreshing. I love me some color, and I love it when amazing, fashionable women show me how it should be done. If only I could begin to afford anything she had on, which included a Cartier platinum and diamond necklace with a carved 33.24-carat emerald ($290,000), 2-carat platinum diamond earrings ($35,000) and a Cartier platinum and diamond Haute Joaillerie secret watch bracelet with over 30 carats of carved emerald, worth a staggering $1.025 million. A girl can dream...

How did this media mogul not make it on more Best Dressed lists? Though I couldn't find any red carpet pictures of this 57-year old beauty, I was taken aback when I saw her presenting the Best Documentary Award. In a custom-designed Zac Posen obmre sequin gown, the legendary Ms. Oprah Winfrey looked more glamorous than I've seen her in a long time. I told you I had a thing for ombre. Well done, Oprah, well done.

Those were my top four best dressed. I probably could have added one more - Reese? Classic, but yawn. Gwyneth? Beautiful but no curves. Natalie? One of my favorite looks on her, but that's not saying all that much (she's usually a miss for me - I especially hated that shapeless rose dress from the Golden Globes). So I decided to just stick to the four that I really, truly loved. And now for the four that I really, truly didn't.


Let's start with f---ing Melissa Leo. Is her dress made out of f---ing doilies? She looks like a f---ing tablecloth! OK, enough with the f-bombs (cause while I do let that word slip, I keep my blog as classy as I can. ::wink!::). But I really could not stand Ms. Leo's Marc Bouwer mess. With its stiff fabric, popped-collar and odd sleeves, she looked like she would be an age-appropriate choice for the 94-year-old Kirk Douglas to marry (but he's been taken by the same lady for almost 60 years). At least you have the Oscar!

While there were quite a few trains this evening (see Hilary Swank & Halle Berry) the truly beautiful Marisa Tomei was more of a train wreck in her navy blue, vintage Charles James Couture gown. Ms. Tomei looked like her dress designer couldn't sew in a straight line. Add to that her terrible makeup and extremely questionable hair and you get a tragic tale of letting a dress stand out more than you.

I had such high hopes after her beautiful moment at the Grammy Awards, but once again, Ms. Nicole Kidman has missed the mark. I can't even begin to describe this disaster of a dress, except to say that it's Dior Houte Couture, it's strapless and there are weird designs all over it. More than that, though, what are with her strange reddish-coral Pierre Hardy peep-toes? Did she forget to pack shoes that actually matched? Did she know that she was going to bomb on this carpet so she figured, "Why not give them something to really talk about?" She shouldn't have bothered because everyone would have talked about that marvelous 150-caret diamond Fred Leighton choker! Even my husband, when they panned to Ms. Kidman during the announcement of the Best Actress Nominees, said, "WOAH! Look at that thing!!!" But c'mon - she couldn't have used just a little bit of Visine? Seriously.

And finally we get to Ms. Lea Michele, who once again lands on the bottom list. What happened? Though she wasn't actually at the Oscars, she showed up at the Vanity Fair Oscar Party, and I simply could not let this dress go without a proper lashing. So, I know that I said last time that she should learn to cover up, but I didn't mean for her to take it to this extreme! Her sequined Roberto Cavalli was long-sleeved, crew-necked and floor-grazing, which given her age (24) is just too matronly. It was backless, though, so I'll give her that, but I will not forgive the horrendously harsh makeup.

So, what do you think?